Funny Valentines day Jokes For Friends, Adults, Singles, One liners

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Valentine's day 2015 Jokes :

During World War II my parents had planned a romantic Valentine’s Day wedding. Suddenly my father, then stationed at Camp Edwards in Massachusetts, received orders to prepare to ship out, and all leaves were canceled. Being a young man in love, he went AWOL. He and my mother were married four days earlier than originally planned and he returned to base to an angry sergeant. After hearing the explanation, the sergeant understandingly replied, “Okay, okay!” Then, as an afterthought: “But don’t let it happen again!”

A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!”

A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

I know u r out there somewhere and I know u r with her,
but I still love u!
I love u so much that it hurts and I want u back in my life!

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.' 

Plz don’t leave me here with him!! 

Phil was a handsome man who got dressed up in his finest clothes and headed to the pub down the road. He noticed a woman sitting at the end of the bar who wouldn’t stop staring at him. Flattery took over and Phil headed over to talk to the lady. He made his voice deep and sultry and said, “I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, but on one condition.”
The woman had to shake herself out of her trance and then asked, “What is your condition?”
Phil says, “You must tell me your wish in only 3 words.”
The woman paused and then gave Phil a slip of paper with her address scrawled on it. She then leaned forward with her eyes closed and whispered, “Clean my house.”

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony, who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, "I hope she appreciates the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now that I've bought these replacement parts."

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day.
The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?"
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, and then answered, "No; instead, engrave 'To my one and only love'."
The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir. How very romantic of you."
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again!"

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter systematically pasting "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
The guy's curiosity gets the better of him and he walks up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the guy.
The man replies, "I'm a divorce lawyer!"

Funny Valentines day Jokes :

Q. What did one volcano say to the other?
A. I lava you.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A Valentiny!

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pin cushion!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
A. You're purrr-fect for me!

Q: What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?
A: Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?

Q: Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?
A: She stole his heart.

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