test funny

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn't taste as good as you expected.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me.
Do I really have 51 friends? Or are you all jerks?
For hygienic reasons, we are unable to exchange or refund any underwear.
Facebook should have limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to unstable.
That annoying moment when you can’t find the long side of your blanket.
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
Worrying = Waste of time. Good and bad things will happen in life. You just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.
When a woman says what? It's not because she didn’t hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Women are like iPhones , you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves.
We all have that friend who says I'll be there around 7 and then shows up around 9.
Saying you will wake up early to get something done….. Then you wake up convincing yourself it’s not important.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free.
I nees a job where I work one hour a week and get paid a thousand dollars a minute.
Be nice to your phamacist…. We get paid to know lethal combinations of drugs.
A lot of people wonder how can you tell if you're really in love. Just ask youreself this question: "Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?
When guys get Jealous, its actually kind a cute. When girls get jealous , world war 3 is about to start.
I can resist everything. Except temptation.
Before calling me , ask yourself , "Is this textable?"
Choices, Chances , Changes, you must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter people the opposite.
Not too technical but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
My room may be a mess out but I know where everything is.
Sometimes when I say I am okay what I reallly want is for someone to hold my hand, look me in the eyes and say your are not okay, here is $1000.
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
Sleep till you are hungry eat till you are sleepy.
Study - the act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.
Lazziness is when a person doesn’t fake that he's working.
If people could read my mind… I'd get punched in the face a lot.
Behind every successful status update there is Ctrl + c & Ctrl + v
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
War is better than Marriage because after war you either Live or Die. But after marriage you neither Live not Die.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I would love to punch in the face!!
Sometimes writes urgent calls only. Don't get it… Are you in the police or ambulance service?
I hate when I think I am buying organic vegetables, and then when I get home turns out they are just regular donuts.
If we all go to jail someday for downloading music, I hope they split us up by the music genre.
3 mistakes done by everyone Whatsapp, Facebook, Girlfriend.
Best font of the world: Comic sans MS, worst font of the world : A Doctor's prescription.
Astrologer: Do you want to know about your husband's future? Wife : Rubbish, I will decide his future!! You tell me his past.
If you don't like me , take a map , get a car , drive to hell. Have a nice trip.
Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.
We live in generation where deleting history is more important than creating history.
I hate when people see me at the super market and they are like: hey what you are doing here? And I am like: "Oh you know , hunting elephants."
There are two theories on arguing wth a girl!! 1) If the girl is right, be fair to her and keep quiet. 2) If the girl is wrong, be fair to yourself and keep quiet.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Reading your best friend's status and thinking , Ha! I know exactly who that's about!
What is next thing that a husband has to do after winning an argument with his wife? Apologize
I am actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
Man are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
People say you can’t like without love…. I think oxygen is more important.
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself , call me … I'll laught at you.
When a girl tells you everything in detail what happened in whole day, believe me you are damn special to her.
The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a clever woman to manage a fool.
Always borrow money from pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.
Laughter is best medicine, but you are laughing without any reason, you need medicine.
Never get jealous when you see your ex wth someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.
The bad news is time flies, the good news is you're the pilot.
Love is that feeling you get in your guts when you see a girl across a crowded room and think, Wow. Onw day I'm going to make you the unhappiest woman alive.
A pumpkin ghost story… And after they hollow you out, they stick a fire inside you!
Someone on his status sleeping since 3 days. He's probably dead.
I was born intelligent but education ruined me.
Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.
Don’t like me ? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions.
When life gives you lemons , squirt someone in the eye.
I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
What did the duck say to the shopkeeper? Put it on my bill , please!
Hey Google , why don’t you sit next to me in my exam?
Relationship these days startby pressing LIKE on her photo.
Friends help you with your addiction with crack, best friends are the ones that sold it to you.
We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up after finish laughing.
A good friend can finish your sentence. A best friend will do the same , but make it sound 10 times dirtier in the process.
You think I'm crazy? You should meet my sister.
Boy: your teeth are like the stars Girl: awww…. Thanks are they that much pretty? Boy: no, far away from each other.
Don't break someone's heart, they have only one. Break their bones they have 206 of them.
Hey I'll be back in 5 minutes but if I'm not just read this message again.
 asked my heart why I can't sleep at night? Heart replied because you slept in the afternoon, don’t act like you’re in love all the time.
I live in constant fear of accidently mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.
I saw a shampoo with the title; Rich-looking so I washed my purse.
Pardon me, Sir Gangster? Your trousers are descending.
I'm not crazy , I am normal in my own special world.
Friendship is chatting and wasting time when we have an exam the next day.
Happiness is the end of exams.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient I will get to you shortly.
Examination should be like IPL (Indian Premier League) cheer leaders dance after every right answer.
People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.
Girls are like web domains the one you like is already taken.
Behind every crazy woman is  a man who made her that way.
There is so much oil on this plate, the US want to invade it.
I am not sarcastic, I'm just intelligent beyond your understanding.
It's kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did except you.
I miss my childhood, where the hardest decision was picking a drayon.
Sometimes I wish there was a backspace key for my mouth.
If a girl says: I don’t like shopping …. Then marry her.
Some idiots say that behind every successful man there will be women, But nobody knows the fact that women choose only successful men
New generation boys  - Facebook last seen 8 secs ago Whatsapp : last seen 4 secs ago, But # Textbook : last seen 8 months ago.
2014 elections have proven one thing. A Gujju can do anyhting to get a US visa.
My life is 50% wondering if it't too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it’s too early to drink alcohol.
There should be relationship status in on Facebook , called I don't know what the hell is going on.
Dear 11 years old, on Facebook with it's complicated. Seriously? What did he do? Steal your animal crackers.
If you need to cry use a tissue … not your Facebook status.
An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set up their Tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, father wakes his son and ask: " Look up to the sky and tell me what you see? " Son : I see Millions of start. Father : What does that tell you? Son : Astronomically , it tells that there are Millions of Galaxies and planets. Father: Slaps the son hard and says: Idiot, someone has stolen our tent.
My 7 year old nephew just asked my age and when I replied 20 he said oh, well maybe when you are 21 you will get boobiess….
What is Facebook? It’s a place where boy posts Joke, Gets no response and if Girl posts the same Joke ,gets 150 likes and 56 friend requests!!!
I want to make Facebook and name it Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post , I can like it. And it will say Nobody likes this.
Life without you is like Facebook without friends , Youtube without videos and Google with no results.
Wife : I love you. Husband: I love you too. Prove it. Scream it to the world  Husband: Whispers in ear, I love you. Wife:Why'd you whisper it to me? Husband: Because you are my world.
The awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
The awkward moment when you didn't notice I spelt awkward wrong…. No I didn’t , but you checked before reading this didn’t you?
The day of wedding went like these things generally do, full of anxious moments interspersed with black comedy.
I don’t always post vague statuses on Facebook. But when I do , you should asssume they are about you.
If your GF or BF claims to never look at your facebook profile change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
I like kids , but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
School Life: Most Irritating moments - Morning Alarm, Most difficult task - To find socks , Most dreadful journey - way to class, Most lovely time - Meeting friends, Most tragic moments - Surprise test in 1st period, Most wonderful news - Tescher is absent.
That awkward moment when you realize that you knew the right answer durng an exam but didn't write it down because it sounded too dumb.
Did you just fall? No , I attacked the floor. "Backwards ?" I'm freaking talented!
What is long , hard and has cum in it? Cucumber. But I like the way you think.
Kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?
Before facebook existed , writing on someone's wall was considered a crime and poking someone was considered foreplay.
God gave us Monday to punish us for what we did over the weekend.
Only the mediocre are always at their best
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
You hate drama? Cool , stop starting it.
I just want to find a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to single. I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan".
When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… Hey , who knew they had wi-fi up here?
If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell him something for his own good.
Facebook is the only place where it is acceptable to talk to a jail.
I don’t have 'exs' , I have 'Y's. As in Y the hell did I do that?
The only things certain in life are Death, Taxes and Microsoft upgrades.
For me , facebook died the day I joined Tumbler.
Marriage is a workshop … where husband works and wife shops.
3 am phone call… Hey are you asleep ? No I'm skydiving.
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Funny Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how you will survive?
Dear heart stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood that’s it.
When I say you had a girlfriend, I felt that I was dying….. And when I saw her profile picture I died but laughing….
I love my six packs so much , I protect it with a layer of fat.
I changed my password everywhere to incorrect,  That way when I forget it, it always reminds me , your password is incorrect.
I just saw a guy take a bite of kit kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we believe in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Not sure if liking a sad facebook status shows support or if it means I like  their sadness.
I don’t know what the key to success is , but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
When you are stumbling around, a good friend will tell you that you had enough to drink; a best friend will tell you bitch finish your drink, we don’t waste alcohol.
If I am not on facebook for more than 2 days… call the police..!!!!
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy , but when I go to bed my body says just kidding.
Instead of what's on your mind? Facebook should ask what's your problem today?
Do you know that banging you head against the wall burns 150 calories per hour.
Biggest joke of the century, "computers and Mobile were invented to save our time."
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end , you wish you had a club and a spade.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture. Whenever someone tries the wrong code to lock in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
That awkward moment when you are doing really good in mario cart, and you realize you are looking at the wrong person.
The climate is better in paradise, but the company is so pleasant in the hell!
If your boyfriend asks you for time and space , give them a watch and a rocket.
Breaking new: I just found out there is nothing wrong with me, it I sthe world that has issues.
Two golden rules of life. 1) The wife is always right. 2) When you feel she is wrong slap yourseld and read no.
No matter how smart you are you can never convience someone stupid that they are stupid.
Bengali: Our language is sweetest we call everyone politely. Like mithun da, bappi da, pranab da!!!  Punjabi: lo ji saddi wi same to same , bhen da, Maa da, bhutni da…
Excuse me! Ye lijie apki soch muje giri hui mili thi.
Height of kaminapan - A boy listening to extremely sad song and thinking…. , Kaunsi wali ko yaad karu yaar.
Arz kia hai chappal choti ho toh paaon me nahi ati Girlfriend moti ho toh bahon me nahi aati
Clinic ke bahar notice board - Koi mar nahi jata injection lagwaane se Ghalib…. Bas, Uthne-baithne ke andaaz badal jaate hai….
Who are men? Who jo narak mein bhi mile toh kahe Abe, yamraj ki wife dekhi? Aag hai aag. Who are women? Who jo Swarg mein bhi mile toh kahe , Apsara dekhi? No dressing sense at all.
Result aa gaya. Ye 3 words , hanstey khailtey insan ki ek pal mein duniya ujarr saktey hai!!!
Muskurana to har ladki ki ada hai…. Usse jo Mohabbat samje who sabse bada Gadha hai.
Ladka: Janeman is dil mein chali aao Ladki: Chapal nikalu kya? Ladka: pagli, ye koi mandir nahi hai, aise hi aajo.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z… isme 1 missing hai find it… 2 times padhte ho sharam nahi aati ? ABCD mein 1 kaha aata hai?
Santa ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi duki tha. Kyon? Itne salo bad , itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chota sa…