test funny

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn't taste as good as you expected.<br /> The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me.<br /> Do I really have 51 friends? Or are you all jerks?<br /> For hygienic reasons, we are unable to exchange or refund any underwear.<br /> Facebook should have limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to unstable.<br /> That annoying moment when you can’t find the long side of your blanket.<br /> Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.<br /> Worrying = Waste of time. Good and bad things will happen in life. You just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.<br /> When a woman says what? It's not because she didn’t hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said.<br /> Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.<br /> Women are like iPhones , you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves.<br /> We all have that friend who says I'll be there around 7 and then shows up around 9.<br /> Saying you will wake up early to get something done….. Then you wake up convincing yourself it’s not important.<br /> I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free.<br /> I nees a job where I work one hour a week and get paid a thousand dollars a minute.<br /> Be nice to your phamacist…. We get paid to know lethal combinations of drugs.<br /> A lot of people wonder how can you tell if you're really in love. Just ask youreself this question: "Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?<br /> When guys get Jealous, its actually kind a cute. When girls get jealous , world war 3 is about to start.<br /> I can resist everything. Except temptation.<br /> Before calling me , ask yourself , "Is this textable?"<br /> Choices, Chances , Changes, you must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.<br /> Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter people the opposite.<br /> Not too technical but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.<br /> My room may be a mess out but I know where everything is.<br /> Sometimes when I say I am okay what I reallly want is for someone to hold my hand, look me in the eyes and say your are not okay, here is $1000.<br /> An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.<br /> Sleep till you are hungry eat till you are sleepy.<br /> Study - the act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.<br /> Lazziness is when a person doesn’t fake that he's working.<br /> If people could read my mind… I'd get punched in the face a lot.<br /> Behind every successful status update there is Ctrl + c & Ctrl + v<br /> Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.<br /> War is better than Marriage because after war you either Live or Die. But after marriage you neither Live not Die.<br /> The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.<br /> I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I would love to punch in the face!!<br /> Sometimes writes urgent calls only. Don't get it… Are you in the police or ambulance service?<br /> I hate when I think I am buying organic vegetables, and then when I get home turns out they are just regular donuts.<br /> If we all go to jail someday for downloading music, I hope they split us up by the music genre.<br /> 3 mistakes done by everyone Whatsapp, Facebook, Girlfriend.<br /> Best font of the world: Comic sans MS, worst font of the world : A Doctor's prescription.<br /> Astrologer: Do you want to know about your husband's future? Wife : Rubbish, I will decide his future!! You tell me his past.<br /> If you don't like me , take a map , get a car , drive to hell. Have a nice trip.<br /> Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.<br /> We live in generation where deleting history is more important than creating history.<br /> I hate when people see me at the super market and they are like: hey what you are doing here? And I am like: "Oh you know , hunting elephants."<br /> There are two theories on arguing wth a girl!! 1) If the girl is right, be fair to her and keep quiet. 2) If the girl is wrong, be fair to yourself and keep quiet.<br /> Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.<br /> Reading your best friend's status and thinking , Ha! I know exactly who that's about!<br /> What is next thing that a husband has to do after winning an argument with his wife? Apologize<br /> I am actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.<br /> Man are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.<br /> People say you can’t like without love…. I think oxygen is more important.<br /> Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself , call me … I'll laught at you.<br /> When a girl tells you everything in detail what happened in whole day, believe me you are damn special to her.<br /> The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a clever woman to manage a fool.<br /> Always borrow money from pessimist. He won't expect it back.<br /> I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.<br /> Laughter is best medicine, but you are laughing without any reason, you need medicine.<br /> Never get jealous when you see your ex wth someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.<br /> The bad news is time flies, the good news is you're the pilot.<br /> Love is that feeling you get in your guts when you see a girl across a crowded room and think, Wow. Onw day I'm going to make you the unhappiest woman alive.<br /> A pumpkin ghost story… And after they hollow you out, they stick a fire inside you!<br /> Someone on his status sleeping since 3 days. He's probably dead.<br /> I was born intelligent but education ruined me.<br /> Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.<br /> Don’t like me ? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.<br /> Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.<br /> Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions.<br /> When life gives you lemons , squirt someone in the eye.<br /> I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.<br /> What did the duck say to the shopkeeper? Put it on my bill , please!<br /> Hey Google , why don’t you sit next to me in my exam?<br /> Relationship these days startby pressing LIKE on her photo.<br /> Friends help you with your addiction with crack, best friends are the ones that sold it to you.<br /> We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up after finish laughing.<br /> A good friend can finish your sentence. A best friend will do the same , but make it sound 10 times dirtier in the process.<br /> You think I'm crazy? You should meet my sister.<br /> Boy: your teeth are like the stars Girl: awww…. Thanks are they that much pretty? Boy: no, far away from each other.<br /> Don't break someone's heart, they have only one. Break their bones they have 206 of them.<br /> Hey I'll be back in 5 minutes but if I'm not just read this message again.<br />  asked my heart why I can't sleep at night? Heart replied because you slept in the afternoon, don’t act like you’re in love all the time.<br /> I live in constant fear of accidently mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.<br /> I saw a shampoo with the title; Rich-looking so I washed my purse.<br /> Pardon me, Sir Gangster? Your trousers are descending.<br /> I'm not crazy , I am normal in my own special world.<br /> Friendship is chatting and wasting time when we have an exam the next day.<br /> Happiness is the end of exams.<br /> I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient I will get to you shortly.<br /> Examination should be like IPL (Indian Premier League) cheer leaders dance after every right answer.<br /> People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.<br /> Girls are like web domains the one you like is already taken.<br /> Behind every crazy woman is  a man who made her that way.<br /> There is so much oil on this plate, the US want to invade it.<br /> I am not sarcastic, I'm just intelligent beyond your understanding.<br /> It's kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.<br /> Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did except you.<br /> I miss my childhood, where the hardest decision was picking a drayon.<br /> Sometimes I wish there was a backspace key for my mouth.<br /> If a girl says: I don’t like shopping …. Then marry her.<br /> Some idiots say that behind every successful man there will be women, But nobody knows the fact that women choose only successful men<br /> New generation boys  - Facebook last seen 8 secs ago Whatsapp : last seen 4 secs ago, But # Textbook : last seen 8 months ago.<br /> 2014 elections have proven one thing. A Gujju can do anyhting to get a US visa.<br /> My life is 50% wondering if it't too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it’s too early to drink alcohol.<br /> There should be relationship status in on Facebook , called I don't know what the hell is going on.<br /> Dear 11 years old, on Facebook with it's complicated. Seriously? What did he do? Steal your animal crackers.<br /> If you need to cry use a tissue … not your Facebook status.<br /> An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set up their Tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, father wakes his son and ask: " Look up to the sky and tell me what you see? " Son : I see Millions of start. Father : What does that tell you? Son : Astronomically , it tells that there are Millions of Galaxies and planets. Father: Slaps the son hard and says: Idiot, someone has stolen our tent.<br /> My 7 year old nephew just asked my age and when I replied 20 he said oh, well maybe when you are 21 you will get boobiess….<br /> What is Facebook? It’s a place where boy posts Joke, Gets no response and if Girl posts the same Joke ,gets 150 likes and 56 friend requests!!!<br /> I want to make Facebook and name it Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post , I can like it. And it will say Nobody likes this.<br /> Life without you is like Facebook without friends , Youtube without videos and Google with no results.<br /> Wife : I love you. Husband: I love you too. Prove it. Scream it to the world  Husband: Whispers in ear, I love you. Wife:Why'd you whisper it to me? Husband: Because you are my world.<br /> The awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.<br /> The awkward moment when you didn't notice I spelt awkward wrong…. No I didn’t , but you checked before reading this didn’t you?<br /> The day of wedding went like these things generally do, full of anxious moments interspersed with black comedy.<br /> I don’t always post vague statuses on Facebook. But when I do , you should asssume they are about you.<br /> If your GF or BF claims to never look at your facebook profile change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.<br /> I like kids , but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.<br /> School Life: Most Irritating moments - Morning Alarm, Most difficult task - To find socks , Most dreadful journey - way to class, Most lovely time - Meeting friends, Most tragic moments - Surprise test in 1st period, Most wonderful news - Tescher is absent.<br /> That awkward moment when you realize that you knew the right answer durng an exam but didn't write it down because it sounded too dumb.<br /> Did you just fall? No , I attacked the floor. "Backwards ?" I'm freaking talented!<br /> What is long , hard and has cum in it? Cucumber. But I like the way you think.<br /> Kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?<br /> Before facebook existed , writing on someone's wall was considered a crime and poking someone was considered foreplay.<br /> God gave us Monday to punish us for what we did over the weekend.<br /> Only the mediocre are always at their best<br /> A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.<br /> You hate drama? Cool , stop starting it.<br /> I just want to find a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead. Is that too much to ask?<br /> I don’t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to single. I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan".<br /> When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… Hey , who knew they had wi-fi up here?<br /> If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell him something for his own good.<br /> Facebook is the only place where it is acceptable to talk to a jail.<br /> I don’t have 'exs' , I have 'Y's. As in Y the hell did I do that?<br /> The only things certain in life are Death, Taxes and Microsoft upgrades.<br /> For me , facebook died the day I joined Tumbler.<br /> Marriage is a workshop … where husband works and wife shops.<br /> 3 am phone call… Hey are you asleep ? No I'm skydiving.<br /> Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Funny Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how you will survive?<br /> Dear heart stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood that’s it.<br /> When I say you had a girlfriend, I felt that I was dying….. And when I saw her profile picture I died but laughing….<br /> I love my six packs so much , I protect it with a layer of fat.<br /> I changed my password everywhere to incorrect,  That way when I forget it, it always reminds me , your password is incorrect.<br /> I just saw a guy take a bite of kit kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we believe in a society with rules, please adhere to them.<br /> Not sure if liking a sad facebook status shows support or if it means I like  their sadness.<br /> I don’t know what the key to success is , but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.<br /> When you are stumbling around, a good friend will tell you that you had enough to drink; a best friend will tell you bitch finish your drink, we don’t waste alcohol.<br /> If I am not on facebook for more than 2 days… call the police..!!!!<br /> I hate when I'm tired and sleepy , but when I go to bed my body says just kidding.<br /> Instead of what's on your mind? Facebook should ask what's your problem today?<br /> Do you know that banging you head against the wall burns 150 calories per hour.<br /> Biggest joke of the century, "computers and Mobile were invented to save our time."<br /> Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end , you wish you had a club and a spade.<br /> Got a passcode lock that takes a picture. Whenever someone tries the wrong code to lock in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.<br /> That awkward moment when you are doing really good in mario cart, and you realize you are looking at the wrong person.<br /> The climate is better in paradise, but the company is so pleasant in the hell!<br /> If your boyfriend asks you for time and space , give them a watch and a rocket.<br /> Breaking new: I just found out there is nothing wrong with me, it I sthe world that has issues.<br /> Two golden rules of life. 1) The wife is always right. 2) When you feel she is wrong slap yourseld and read no.<br /> No matter how smart you are you can never convience someone stupid that they are stupid.<br /> Bengali: Our language is sweetest we call everyone politely. Like mithun da, bappi da, pranab da!!!  Punjabi: lo ji saddi wi same to same , bhen da, Maa da, bhutni da…<br /> Excuse me! Ye lijie apki soch muje giri hui mili thi.<br /> Height of kaminapan - A boy listening to extremely sad song and thinking…. , Kaunsi wali ko yaad karu yaar.<br /> Arz kia hai chappal choti ho toh paaon me nahi ati Girlfriend moti ho toh bahon me nahi aati<br /> Clinic ke bahar notice board - Koi mar nahi jata injection lagwaane se Ghalib…. Bas, Uthne-baithne ke andaaz badal jaate hai….<br /> Who are men? Who jo narak mein bhi mile toh kahe Abe, yamraj ki wife dekhi? Aag hai aag. Who are women? Who jo Swarg mein bhi mile toh kahe , Apsara dekhi? No dressing sense at all.<br /> Result aa gaya. Ye 3 words , hanstey khailtey insan ki ek pal mein duniya ujarr saktey hai!!!<br /> Muskurana to har ladki ki ada hai…. Usse jo Mohabbat samje who sabse bada Gadha hai.<br /> Ladka: Janeman is dil mein chali aao Ladki: Chapal nikalu kya? Ladka: pagli, ye koi mandir nahi hai, aise hi aajo.<br /> A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z… isme 1 missing hai find it… 2 times padhte ho sharam nahi aati ? ABCD mein 1 kaha aata hai?<br /> Santa ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi duki tha. Kyon? Itne salo bad , itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chota sa…<br /> <br />

test funny

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn't taste as good as you expected. The problem with money is too much of it belongs...

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